Leading by saying what you mean

Featuring input from Cinnie Noble of CINERGY

Something happened in my personal life last week, which reminded me why I have dedicated the last 13 years of my working life to improve leadership skills with my clients. The most impactful part of this work is always around providing effective feedback.

It is beyond doubt (in my experience) that at the heart of all challenges, problems, issues, disappointments, failures, hurtful experiences – there are usually two common themes. Everything nearly always comes down to:

A breakdown in communication,

2. A breakdown in a relationship.

These things are inextricably linked.

Having suffered both these things at the weekend I wanted to share the learning to drive a message home, so that fewer people experience this in their personal or business lives.

It is impossible to have a relationship without communication.

It is very hard to have meaningful communication without a relationship.

Being clear about both of these things in one’s personal life is a responsibility.

Think about the relationships you have – partners, family members, friends.

It is the same in your professional life, too. The extra aspect at work is that you are being paid to get this right and there are a different set of consequences for getting it wrong.

Knowing exactly where the relationship stands is paramount in both cases. Having great awareness of your part in that relationship – where you stand and being clear about that – is key. It is also your responsibility to communicate effectively.

It is equally important to check that the other person in that relationship is having the same experience! Failure to check this can lead to a great deal of pain, disappointment and upset.

Here is what I learnt:

Get clarity that the experience of being in the relationship is the same on both sides
Open and honest communication builds trust
Omitting to say that something isn’t working for one party is very damaging to the other party
In the absence of helpful feedback, a person can make up their own version of how the relationship is going

I know I’m writing something based on my own personal life but it is so relevant to our working lives. Just think about your colleagues or your customers. It is all relevant.

Omitting to tell someone how you feel, or don’t feel, is never going to help a working relationship – especially between a leader and a team member.

I know from my entire working life that the biggest challenge most leaders face is developing the skill to be able to provide helpful feedback effectively.

(Apparently, it is much easier to keep going home and moaning about a colleague, than to face the fear of upsetting someone, being unpopular, being rejected, making a mistake or coping with the fall out if you don’t do feedback well)

So my blog this week is about being open, honest, clear and brave.